Truth.

6 Jun

So back when I started this blog, I said I would keep it real and just speak the truth.  I haven’t wanted to blog this past week because I am, quite simply, DEPRESSED.

Here is why:

-I went to the doc this week.  He was thrilled with how I am doing. He is proud of me and wants me to keep at it.  Yay!  HOWEVER, he thinks I am in a flare right now not because of my travels and stress, but because of my nemesis since day one: the sun.  He wants me completely out of the sun.  He wants me in all of that expensive sun protective clothing. He wants me parking in the handicap space and carrying an umbrella and wearing a hat.  Now I realize that this is not a huge deal in the span of life.  But I let myself dare to believe that this wasn’t the case for me anymore.  I thought I was getting better and that this would just be a sad thing of the past.  I envisioned triathlons and marathons.  I thought I could take the kids to the pool this year.  Now I drive by and see all of those good moms out there with their kids and feel like a loser.

-I’ve been feeling badly for weeks now and spending time in bed and missing out on life is depressing.

-Okay, this one should have gone first.  But it is the one I am both embarrassed and excited about: I am COMPLETELY off of my antidepressant.  That is right.  I am 100% prescription med free!  While it is a blessing, it is one I won’t enjoy until it is all out of my system.  I am SO low right now. I cry a lot, get angry really quickly, feel worthless, think everyone is better off without me, etc….  I am only on day 3 of this.  So please don’t scold me.  If this persists, I will not stay off forever.  I have a husband who is in complete control over my meds.  He will put my hiney back on it the second he thinks I need it.  But we both know that it takes a while for my body to adjust  and we want to give it a chance!

So there you have it.  I am depressed, sad, lonely, blue…whatever you call it.  And I pray it lifts soon!  I know my joy will return.  My God is faithful.

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7 Responses to “Truth.”

  1. Meredith June 6, 2012 at 9:33 pm #

    I’m so sorry! I pray you will feel God’s loving presence around you!!!! I’m about to make some salsa this week. Can I give you some? Your class was amazing!!

    • brittluck June 6, 2012 at 9:43 pm #

      Thanks, Mere. And I will never turn down salsa…but only if you have enough. I have your mason jar. That salsa was super yum on a brown rice tortilla with rice cheese and sliced orange peppers. What kind are you making this time?

  2. Christie Markert June 6, 2012 at 9:37 pm #

    Hugs and prayers for you Brittany. I will pray the sun issue is fleeting – that’s a hard pill to swallow, but try not to let it get to you (says the girl with no lupus and no sun problems). You alive and well and with your family and you are AMAZING!

    • brittluck June 6, 2012 at 9:45 pm #

      I have accepted it before and will do it again. It really isn’t so bad once my pity party ends! Ha! Wallow, wallow, wallow 🙂 Thank you for your sweet support. 🙂

  3. Amanda C. Hollis June 6, 2012 at 11:14 pm #

    Im so sorry you are down Britt. I honestly cannot tell you just how much your openness and honesty about yourself has impacted me for the past 6 years! You encourage me, and inspire me! Bc of you, I admitted I needed help and saw my dr. I am a MUCH better wife and Mommy on meds now! Bc of you, I believed I could do that 5K Mud Run- and I DID IT! Not only that, but I just signed up today, to DO IT AGAIN! 🙂
    Though you may not feel like it right now, you have been and continue to be a Hero to me! I love you dearly Friend!!!

  4. Patti Grossman June 7, 2012 at 5:02 pm #

    Aw, Brittney, so sorry! Thank you for your honesty, so we know how to pray. =) You are always so encouraging and positive when I see you. Just know…this too shall pass!
    Blessings to you, my friend. I’ll be back at BC once I return from vacay.
    Love ya!
    Patti G.

  5. Jillian June 7, 2012 at 8:11 pm #

    I’m so sorry Britt! You have our love and our prayers. You are an awesome friend, but better than that an awesome mom and wife. Press on, sweet friend. Our God is faithful.

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