Archive | January, 2011

Marinara and Pomegranates

25 Jan

Have you ever had an addiction?  As in something you think about both day and night.  And really can’t get it off or your mind?

Now if you read this, you know I am a chocoholic and a foodie to the core.  And I have been pregnant twice. So I GET cravings.

But this…well, it is different.  And it has only happened with two things.  And both within the last few months.  My homemade marinara and pomegranate seeds (separately).  I start eating them and then literally can’t stop. I shovel them in my mouth until the food is all gone and then lick the bowl and then go to the store for more.  And have it for breakfast, lunch, snack, and dinner, all while not being able to get the flavors out of my head.

I have deduced that they must contain something my body really, really needs.  Because it is certainly not normal.  Anti-oxidants?  Lycopene?  Btw, I will make do with a jar of marinara (can you imagine how many I have been going through?).  But my homemade stuff rocks my world.

I don’t really want to admit it, but the other day, I was so desperate that I woke up and scoured my fridge and freezer for a way to get my fix.  I ended up with roasted squash and then smothered it in marinara.  For breakfast.  And it made my heart happy. My kids gag, but my heart happy.

One side note, pomegranates are crazy expensive.  So I just have to look at them and salivate.  I should buy the juice, I suppose.  But it is the little seeds that burst in my mouth and that I get to crunch on that make me giddy.

My mouth is watering right now….



25 Jan

Veggies, fruits, & lots and lots of vitamins…THAT is how I am eating these days.

100% gluten free

90% vegetarian

80% vegan

The difference between vegan and vegetarian is that vegan takes all animal products out, like dairy and eggs.  So I sneak a few in there, like an egg or two baked in to desserts.  Same with dairy.  Oh, and Luck made a gluten free blackberry cobbler that I HAD to have a little ice cream on.  Isn’t that in the Bible?

I have been on Prednisone for about 2 weeks now.  It is definitely making a dent.  I feel like I am creeping back to a point where I can see some hope.  Today, I even had a moment where I felt normal!  The stinky part is that almost as quickly as I felt it, I walked in to Marshalls and started feeling those pesky lights.  But heck, 60 seconds where I feel nothing bad is better than not having 60 seconds!  And maybe that will turn in to a few minutes…and then hours!

Feeling better on Prednisone is both a blessing and a curse.  I catch more bugs b/c my immune system is suppressed.  Yet my Lupus dies down a bit, b/c my immune system is suppressed.  It helps me feel better, but it makes me retain water (gain weight).  Oh, and then there is that little fact that it is toxic.  I do not think this is a good long term solution.  Hopefully a better one will just be around the corner.

Speaking of weight, this time around on steroids, I have stuck to my new diet.  It has kept the weight gain at bay.  I still get really swollen.  But all in all, I think I can manage.  And this time, if I put on some weight, I can know that it is not forever and will come off if I work at it.

And I think the diet may be helping.  Time will tell!  I keep hearing stories of people controlling their disease through diet….We shall see!

I have a dream.

25 Jan

Well, not THAT kind of dream.  A real one.  That I have.  At night.  ALL.  THE.  TIME.

My dream is that I am in the sun and can’t find shade.  Or in a bright room and can’t find somewhere without those blasted fluorescent lights.  And I search and I search, but I just can’t. I cry and cry and wander around lost and lonely.

I wish I had some sort of conclusion to this blog post.  Maybe that I need more hats?  (which I totally do!  do you notice I almost ALWAYS have the same hat on?!)

Sweet dreams 🙂

If you don’t have anything nice to say….

14 Jan

This has been the worst 3 weeks yet for me.  In addition to all of the normal symptoms, I have stomach pain that never goes away.  I feel like crap anyway, and then add on this and I am just plain struggling.  So really, I avoid writing because I don’t want to be a complainer.  I have nothing nice to say…at least about my health.

I eat vegan, I feel sick.  I avoid gluten, I feel sick.  I avoid dairy and corn, the same.  I do think I MAY feel worse when eating these things, but not too sure.  How is a girl to know?

So here are some really good things that I can focus on:

We LOVE our new puppy!  Talk about pet therapy!  I find myself on the floor with her playing or just hugging and petting her.  The kids adore her.  And Lucky, well, he is pretty smitten, too!

(For my own journaling, I am on a small dosage of Prednisone until March, when I see Dr. Wickersham again.  Pleurisy, stomach problems, extreme fatigue, trembling, light sensitivity, spots on scalp, joint pain.)

2 Jan

This is the worst flare I have had since diagnosis.  I think I am coming out of it.  Thanks to steroids again (Prednisone).  But it has been pretty brutal.  Still curious if going off my vegan diet caused me to flare, made the flare worse, or had no effect.  Time will tell as I begin again eating that way again.

As I puff up from the meds, yet again, I am reminded that my worth does not come from how fat my face and fingers are.  And I am reminded how blessed I am that I have family and friends that jump in to help.  And that my abilities to be a good mom are not based on doing everything and doing it perfectly, but on being there.  Even asleep on the couch or laying half awake…they just like me there. To hug them and kiss them and tell them I am proud.

God’s grace is sufficient for me.

Let there be (less) light!

2 Jan

Fluorescent light is REALLY getting me.  It makes me feel horrible.  Almost as bad as the sun does.  Next time you go in to Target, please notice how many freakin’ lights there are!!  For years, I have walked in there and felt funny.  It is good to now know why.    And my kitchen is also a place where I often freeze up and feel confused and horrible.  Yep, fluorescent lighting.

You would think that Luck and I would have noticed this connection before. Instead, we just thought that it was just a room where I was juggling too many things and so happened to always have issues in there.  But now, as soon as I feel that way, I can turn the light off and get relief. Unfortunately, I can’t cook in the dark!  So using the lights is a must.  Hopefully, replacing that light box (as beautiful as it is!) will jump up on our priority list.

Too bad we invested in all those expensive light bulbs all over the house.  Stupid fluorescent lights!

Chances are good that if you see me confused and struggling, look up…there will be those lights!  And chances are good I will be wearing a hat and glasses inside.  🙂  Now if I can only get Gold’s Gym to change out their lighting!!  I struggle with confusion during BodyPump.  Not boot camp.  Why?  I teach boot camp with the lights off and the disco lights on!