15 Dec

Christmas time has come and I have fallen off of the healthy wagon. I am now eating dairy, some meat, corn products, and whatever-the-heck-else I want. And MAN does it make me feel bad.

But I need a time off. And I like Christmas goodies and mulled wine. I missed food.  Plus, I live in San Antonio.  What, am I not supposed to eat tamales during this season?  Whatever!

My mental state has not been good. It is beyond my regular state of confusion. I went somewhere yesterday and had no idea where I was or what I was doing there. Thank goodness for cell phones. Today, while driving, it happened again.  I have had to just pull over and sit there until I was “back.”

I have had the room go completely white more times than I would like to share over the last few days. I got a sub for Pump today.  My exercising has had to slow down.

I am going back to the doc next week. I need some help. I have a new symptom. A virus, of sorts, on my thumbs. I don’t even want to say what it is. Low grade temps are back. Joint pain so bad that it hurts to walk. Pleurisy. You know…same ‘ole, same ‘ole!  Just Lupus being Lupus!

But it is the mental part that scares me. Will I ever get it back? The sane part of me says I will, but the confused part does not know. I know that we all have “those days,” but this is more than that.  Those closest to me see it, too.  Thinking for me is a regular part of their lives!

On that happy note, I am gonna go eat some Mint M&M’s.  🙂

**Oh, and on a VERY interesting note, I recently got to look through my aunt’s medical records that she kept for 5-6 years of her Lupus.  She stopped keeping it all after that.  It is INSANE.  Identical records to mine.  Same labs came back abnormal (and there are a ton of labs for Lupus), same symptoms, same everything.  From mental to physical to bloodwork, we are carbon copies.  Even the meds prescribed.  It is very helpful to know that I am not alone.  I am thankful for her!**


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