Archive | December, 2010

Merry Christmas and a Healthy New Year!

27 Dec

Merry Christmas!  Did you like our Christmas card this year?  No?  You did not get one?  Hmmm….I am sure it is on it’s way.  🙂  (Just please don’t cut me off your list!  I adore getting cards!  I will be back in the game soon!)

Here is the rundown: we got a dog!  Her name is Lizzie and we adore her.  This was a wonderful Christmas season for many reasons, but she was definitely the biggest blessing of all!  She adds a peace and a missing piece to our family.

Yesterday, I probably stood up for 20 minutes the whole day.  Physically, I am at a low.  Started back on steroids b/c my pleurisy is very painful. And my knee would not move.  Pain like I have not yet felt. Fatigue that is not the kind you can push through.  I am back to falling asleep in the middle of whatever is going on in the living room, multiple times a day. My skin has sun spots and is intermittently bleeding.  And then there is the extreme confusion.

I guess that the stress of Christmas just took it’s toll.  I am glad the kids are off of school for 2 more weeks.  A whole lot of TV and movies never killed kids, right?  Good!

I went to the doc on Thursday.  He wants me to stay on these meds for another month or two.  If my Lupus has not subsided, he wants to possibly put me on a chemo drug, in a small dose.  I am supposed to do my research and tell him my thoughts next time I go in.  It has side effects, of course.  If you have ever been on Methotrexate, let me know what you thought.  He also wants to MRI my brain.  I can’t decide if I want to do that or not.  Seems like unnecessary exposure to radiation.  But he wants to make sure that the cognitive part of the disease is not showing up in my brain.  I worded that wrong, but you get my drift.  Up to 90% of women with Lupus have a component that causes cognitive “issues.”  But there is a percentage of Lupus patents that also actually get damage to their brain.  This is what he wants to check for.

Bottom line right now is that I am feeling very alone.  I am open on this blog about what is going on.  But other than that, only Luck really knows what is happening.  My cognitive function has definitely been reduced recently.  I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.  I embarrass myself often (not the funny, look what dumb thing I just did! either).  Find myself sitting alone in stores like Target…on the floor.  Ugh…I don’t even want to say more on this.

I am back on a vegan diet, starting today.  Hopefully, this will help!  I received a gift card to Whole Foods this week from a friend who wanted to do a meal for me.  I am so unbelievably blessed!!  I will be heading there in the next few days to buy food for my family.

Thank you, friends, for caring.  I pray that I will be able to return all of these blessings to YOU some day!  Have a Healthy New Year!!!!

Toxifying.

15 Dec

Christmas time has come and I have fallen off of the healthy wagon. I am now eating dairy, some meat, corn products, and whatever-the-heck-else I want. And MAN does it make me feel bad.

But I need a time off. And I like Christmas goodies and mulled wine. I missed food.  Plus, I live in San Antonio.  What, am I not supposed to eat tamales during this season?  Whatever!

My mental state has not been good. It is beyond my regular state of confusion. I went somewhere yesterday and had no idea where I was or what I was doing there. Thank goodness for cell phones. Today, while driving, it happened again.  I have had to just pull over and sit there until I was “back.”

I have had the room go completely white more times than I would like to share over the last few days. I got a sub for Pump today.  My exercising has had to slow down.

I am going back to the doc next week. I need some help. I have a new symptom. A virus, of sorts, on my thumbs. I don’t even want to say what it is. Low grade temps are back. Joint pain so bad that it hurts to walk. Pleurisy. You know…same ‘ole, same ‘ole!  Just Lupus being Lupus!

But it is the mental part that scares me. Will I ever get it back? The sane part of me says I will, but the confused part does not know. I know that we all have “those days,” but this is more than that.  Those closest to me see it, too.  Thinking for me is a regular part of their lives!

On that happy note, I am gonna go eat some Mint M&M’s.  🙂

**Oh, and on a VERY interesting note, I recently got to look through my aunt’s medical records that she kept for 5-6 years of her Lupus.  She stopped keeping it all after that.  It is INSANE.  Identical records to mine.  Same labs came back abnormal (and there are a ton of labs for Lupus), same symptoms, same everything.  From mental to physical to bloodwork, we are carbon copies.  Even the meds prescribed.  It is very helpful to know that I am not alone.  I am thankful for her!**

2 Dec

Amidst the fire, I will still smile and enjoy the ride.  The fire could be hotter and higher and I could be a lot closer to the flame.  I am blessed to only be this close.  But Lupus is still definitely a fire under me.

And Lucky is right there with me…he always has my back.