30 Nov

Not sure if I should be embarassed by this or impressed by my mad skills for napping.

But today, I hit a major wall.  Like, “I am going to fall asleep driving or else I need to nap right NOW.”  So I pulled my van to the back of a parking lot, climbed in the back seat, pulled a blanket up (Dani is always cold and Reid always hot- so we keep one in the car for her), wrapped my new comfy pants that I had just purchased around my eyes to block the light, and slept.  After an hour, I got up, drove to a ChicFilA to purchase a tea to wake me up, and went on about my day.  Who sleeps in their car?!?!

My pleurisy is back again.  I know I have said it is painful before.  And it is.  Still.  And my body feels like I am 80 yrs old.  Super achy joints.  And I can hardly think.  By far the most frustrating symptom.

As we enter the busiest time of year, I am wondering how this will play out.  We go to Denver on Thursday to visit Luck’s family.  Then we come home to the craziness.  Luck told me I am not doing Christmas cards.  Please don’t cut me off your list! I am hopeful that next year I will be feeling better and will get back to them.  He is a wise man to have me cut back.

I have not been writing much here.  Having something like an autoimmune disease is tricky.  I don’t want to complain b/c it could be so much worse.  But I feel like crap.  I cried falling asleep last night b/c I hurt and am tired of feeling bad.  I just want a reprieve.  I get exhausted being with people and trying to act normal.  But I refuse to be “that girl” and will not change the way I handle it.  This could be life long!  Nobody will want to be with me!!!  And yet, I am so incredibly grateful that this is not a life ender…just a quality of life changer.  It is weird.  Even from the beginning of this 6 months ago to now, there has been a change.  It feels like some people ask me how I am doing expecting me to say, “better!”  And when I don’t, there is an awkwardness. Even Luck notices it.  (which means it has to be true b/c he gives everyone the benefit of the doubt!)

So I will continue to try my hardest to blend in.  But I will be real here.  Then those who want to know, can 🙂  And if you see a white van parked and someone sleeping in the back, just say a little prayer.  🙂   And be impressed by my mad skills.


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