Beating myself up.

6 Oct

Having spent 3 months on Prednisone, I don’t like what I see.  I have been told I have the “moon face.”  Yes, someone told me that.  To my face.  I can’t wear my clothes from last year (or anytime before that).  When people hear I am on steroids they look me up and down to “assess the damage.”  You think I am kidding?  You should see their eyes!  I get looked UP and DOWN!

I hate that I blog about this.  I hate that I think about it.  I hate that people say crap to me about it.  I hate that I look so very different in such a few short months.

My Luck constantly tells me that he does not care so I should not care.  But I am a girl! I care!

I certainly watch what I eat.  I am already gluten free, which cuts out most of the things hard to avoid.  Cakes, cookies, pasta, bread, etc…   We eat very healthfully.  Lots of fruit and veggies.  Lean proteins.  Brown rice.  And so on.  I do have fun things here and there.  A glass of wine.  Some dessert.  Nachos from Habaneros.  But by and large, it is probably healthier than 95% of the US.

And let me give you a sample of my exercise: Monday-Pilates and Boot camp; Tues- Run 2 miles and BodyPump; Wed-Body Pump; Thurs-Boot camp and Pilates.

Get my drift?  LOTS of exercise!  And yet the scale goes up.  And my self esteem goes down.

Why can’t I accept that it is the stupid PREDNISONE?  I am beating myself up over this.  But I can’t seem to change it.  Steroids are a beast!!!  But can I tell you how much better I do on them?  It is not even comparable. It keeps the bad symptoms to a minimum.  It gets me to that beautiful 75% of normal mark.

I just need everyone to know that I am not just eating myself into oblivion.  I am fighting it.  I am trying SO hard.  Please don’t think less of me.

Please?  Thanks 😉

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